Monday, September 30, 2013

My sweet manipulator

Today I was trying to get things done (aka lying in bed watching Netflix) when Savannah walked in and showed me the paper she'd colored with a purple marker. Then she mentioned, "You know, if you wash this purple it turns pink."

"How do you know that Savannah?"

"I love you Mom."

"I love you too. How do you know that about the marker."

"I just really love you a lot Mom."

"Savannah, tell me what you did."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You'll get very, very mad so you just can't know."

Eventually I weaseled it out of her that she'd colored all over her hands. That was WAY better than I expected. 

I should have known, an unprompted 'I love you' is usually a bad sign.




Friday, September 27, 2013

Extortion at the Disney Store

My awesome sister offered to buy Savannah a Disney store princess dress for Halloween because she was so excited that Savannah wanted to be something girly this year (last year we were lucky to find a spider princess costume so she wasn't a weird looking spider).  Have you seen these dresses? They are GORGEOUS and I was so excited! At first she wanted to be Ariel, but then I had the brilliant idea that we could go to the Disney store together to pick any costume she wanted. It would be like Prom dress shopping, but for 3-year-olds. 

So, a few days later, the entire family went to the Disney store. Guess what? I was so focused on the dresses, that I'd sort of forgotten that the Disney store sells toys. Lots and lots of toys.  And Savannah doesn't actually care about dresses at all. It was truly a recipe for disaster.

We walk in.

Savannah: "Mom, look at all these Ariel toys! I want a toy! I want a toy!" 

Me: "We're buying a dress today; you can ask for a toy for your birthday or Christmas."

Savannah: "I know, a new toy AND a dress!"

Me: "No, Sweetie, just a dress."

Savannah: "I WANT A TOY!!!!!!"

Me: "Savannah, we are picking a dress today. If you don't get a costume, you won't get to go Trick-or-Treating and you'll be so sad."

Savannah: "I don't care, I WANT A TOY!"

Me: "Let's just try on a dress, okay?"

She put on a dress. A stranger looks over and says, "You look so pretty!"

Savannah: "I WANT A TOY!"

I took her over to the mirror and she burst into toys because a dress isn't a toy.

We tried on a few more dresses to figure out what size she needed as she bawled and begged for a toy and then we left.

She screamed to entire way to the car that she would never ever pick a dress unless we bought her a toy first.

In the car, Corey and I explained that toys cost money and that we can't buy new ones all the time because we need to use our money for things like the house, clothes that fit, food, and preschool.

Savannah: "I know! We'll buy a toy today, and tomorrow Dad will go to Chase Bank extra to make even more money for preschool!"

Corey: "it doesn't work that way, I only get paid every 13 days."

Me: "If you want to earn money, we can make a chart and you can work really hard and after a lot of days, you'll have enough to buy a new toy."

Savannah: "I DONT WANT TO WORK HARD!"

Savannah (calmed down a bit): "Dad, remember we found a lot of money at the gas station yesterday!"

Corey: "Well, honey, we only found 5 cents."

Savannah: "Once we found money on the bridge!"

Corey: "That was a dollar.  We'd have to find 20 of them to buy you a toy.  You know, some kids have hardly any toys.  You have so many.  You'll get more for your birthday and Christmas."

Tears for a while.

Savannah: "I know!  Soon it will be 'Free Toy Day!'  Remember how there was 'Free Slurpee Day'? Slurpees usually cost moneys, but they don't on 'Free Slurpee Day'!  They're free! That means it's almost 'Free Toy Day!'".

Me: "I don't think there is a 'Free Toy Day' honey."

Commence hysterics.




Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Why I'm in trouble in 13 years

One day, Savannah was putting her shoes on.  We were in a hurry, so I walked over to help her.  I told her she was putting them on the wrong feet.  She said, "No Mom, look, this one matches this foot.  I'm doing it right."  I looked and she totally was!  I said, "Silly me, you're right."  She immediately got the most gleeful look on her face and started to sing, 

"Mother knows wrong!  
Savannah knows best!
Savannah is the smartest!"

to the tune of "Mother Knows Best" from Tangled.  And it's not like she took a few minutes to think of it, she started singing within seconds.  I think she must have been planning it for a while or something and when I slipped up (which let's face it, happens often.  I am quite incompetent in her mind.) she was so excited to jump on it.  She now sings that song every time I'm ever wrong.  I am so in trouble when she's a teenager!

"Hey Mom, ask me why my pants are wet!"

Like many parents, we have fought a long, hard fight when it comes to potty training.  Initially, Savannah was trained within two weeks at age 2.5.  This was awesome, because it meant I avoided 2 in diapers.  Yay!  What is less awesome, is the fact that she has had so many freaking accidents over the past year of being trained.  These accidents are usually met with indifference, or simply ignored altogether.  There are two in particular that stand out to me.

I was attempting to clean my kitchen (ha!) when I heard laughter.  I thought, "Aw, how sweet, they're learning to play together."  Then I noticed that the laughter was echoing.  I rushed to the bathroom to find my kids splashing on the floor and laughing.  

"Savannah!  Did you spill water all over?!"

"Of course not Mom.  It's just my pee-pee!"

Do you ever have moments where you just stare at your child, speechless because you're so dumbfounded at their thought process?  I feel that way more often than not.

A few weeks later, Savannah walked in and said, 

"Hey Mom, ask my bum why my pants are wet?"

Me (cringing), "Why are your pants all wet, Savannah's bum?"

Savannah (in the lowest voice she can muster), "Well, I just got so full of pee-pee that I couldn't hold so I went all over.  Sorry Mom!"

This was followed by peals of giggles.

Who says boys are the only gross ones?

Why members of the ward think I'm a horrible mother

Remember Savannah's kitties?  I probably sound like a crazy person, featuring 16-year-old toys in my first two posts, but those little things are apparently an important part of our day-to-day life.



Anyhow, on Sunday, per the norm, the kitties came with us to church.  Every week Savannah begs us to let her take them to primary, and every week we say no. 

This week, when Savannah got out of class, she ran to the library (Corey's the ward librarian, best calling ever) and lo and behold, Lily was clutching two of the five kitties for dear life.  Savannah started to beg for us to take them away and we refused.  So, she took Brown Kitty and started "making" her say, "Don't let Lily near my kitty sisters!  We all hate her! We hate Lily! We hate Lily! We hate Lily!"  

Obviously, even if it is under the guise of her toy expressing itself, chanting about hating her sister is not okay. Especially in church.  So, I took brown kitty and gave a it a very serious lecture, iterating that Lily is a member of our family and if it can't learn to love her, it will be kicked out of our family forever.  

I was doing this behind the counter when Sister M walked in and and exclaimed in shock, "You're threatening to kick her out of your family?!?", thinking I was talking to Savannah.  She must have thought I was such a horrible mother!  Then I explained that I was talking to the toy cat.  So now she probably thinks (knows?) I'm just crazy.

Savannah screams

Savannah is possessive.  Most kids are, right? Lily is one.  She has no concept of what will make her sister crazy with rage.  A few months ago, I taught Savannah to play "trick the baby".  When Lily has a toy Savannah wants, Savannah goes over with a different toy and makes it seem like the most tantalizing toy ever.  In theory, this should cause Lily to drop the coveted toy and play with the new one.  Sometimes this works. Sometimes, it really, truly doesn't.

Yesterday, they were by each other when Lily started screaming hysterically.  I called Savannah over and asked why Lily was crying.  She repeatedly denied any guilt.  I finally threatened that if she didn't 'fess up, she would have to go to her room until she was ready.  So, she told me that she hit Lily with a Wii remote in the face because she wanted the toy Lily was holding.  Seriously, a Wii remote to the face!  No wonder the poor baby was screaming!  So, I thought of an appropriate punishment.  

Savannah has these old beanie baby kitties that she LOVES. They are named Calico, Himalayan, Grey Kitty, Brown Kitty, and Grey Kitty Jr. (Grey Kitty Jr. was actually given to Lily for her birthday, but Savannah tends to have a selective memory when it comes to kitties).  Lily is also obsessed with cats, so of course she's always stealing the kitties. So, after Lily was assaulted, I went and got the kitties and gave them all to Lily to play with for four hours.  

I was so proud.  I kept my cool and thought of a very logical punishment that fit the crime.  Four years of child development classes all crammed into one perfect scenario.  I rock. Surely, Savannah would see the logic and learn her lesson calmly, right?   

Savannah completely lost it.  She was bawling and shrieking with rage.  She then started sputtering, "I hate, I hate, I hate..." It was almost as if she was at a loss for words, which is a bit of an anomaly for her.  I knew it.  The inevitable "I hate you Mom" was coming and she was building up to it.  Was I surprised?  No, I knew this day was coming and I was prepared for it.  What  I wasn't prepared for was,

"I HATE WHEN MY CHOICES HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!"

So do I, Savannah.  So do I.